Incarnational Minsitry, Relationships...

A friend wrote me asking for some input for a paper he was writing for a Philosophy of Ministry class. I wanted to give him some quick answers, but realized this might be something worth sharing here as it gives some insight into my life and ministry philosophy and calling…. So, for what its worth, here are some thoughts from Christen:

Why are relationships important in ministry?

I believe that the model Jesus gave us for ministry was what he showed with his disciples; relationships. He spent time with people. They rode in boats together, ate together, prayed together…. I can imagine there was some play time and laughing too. We see they argued and worked out conflicts too.  Think of Jesus with his disciples the night he was crucified talking about who would betray him and listening to their (and perhaps at times my own) pathetic responses. He spent one on one time (at least we hear the conversations from this time) and in small groups as well as in crowds. As ministers of the gospel, parents, teachers, missionaries, businessmen, nurses… we have got to be with people; walk with them, and work our the messiness of life if we want to see lasting fruit and discipleship. Relationships where we're invested in are key so we can fill up, be challenged, corrected and then go and do the same.  I think of many relationships that have shaped who I am Kerry Decker, one of my first friends who has walked with me through so much. Jaime Maxey and 4:45am walks daily where she challenged the way I thought, responded to and dreamed, where she asked hard questions about my attitudes. I think of Anita Flom teaching me to pray as we walked weekly and prayed for Shore Acres and bringing me back to scripture models.  I think of hours spent stuffing envelopes at the Youth for Christ office when I was in high school and Valerie Allen speaking into my life about marriage, family, ministry, who we are in Christ…

People I can never forget... Kerry, The Floms, Steph Sawyer and Andrea Alford from high school. Katie my college roommate.. All have deeply impacted my life!

Relationships where we're investing is where we can see the effects long term. 

relationships are complicated, especially when we all bring our brokenness and pain and mess and sin into it.  I think of college years and roommates and how our relationships challenged us to walk more closely with Jesus but how this also collided with all of the mess we each brought into he house and our ministries. There were explosions of tears and emotion, days when we didn’t want to speak to each other, opportunities to minister God’s mercy to one another… this is the place the Lord has done the most work in me. 

Kayla and Dana, some of my dearest college friends!

Its training for life. Its discipleship and discipline. Its where the rubber meets the road and our words are put into action or we fall into the infamous pit of hypocrisy as our lives and relationships don't measure up to what we say and preach.... and when we refuse to acknowledge the inconsistencies. However, in relationship, we embrace it all. We acknowledge the inconsistencies and sin, the mess and we see Jesus as the One who redeems it all. We embrace one another as we hold tightly to His grace and we see fruit.

Amazing women who've been my friends and who've joined me in minsitry.

I think of young men and women I met and challenged to come and see a ministry and then somehow swallowed them into our crazy, messy, fun, passionate community… and I see them now forever marked by it. Chad fell in love with special education.  Jenny and Kimeka learned sign language and went on to work with the deaf. Joel, Randy, Nick, Promise… all found passions and continue to minister to kids with disabilities. These ones, and so many more have in turn taught me and challenged me!

Nick became & still is one of the best Young Life Capernaum leaders I've ever met!

How do you go about forming those relationships?

Especially living overseas in a culture that values relationship over schedule and productivity, I am still very much learning this. TIME. TIME is key. It takes time, shared experiences, listening, going to where the people are. For me, moving to Peru, they key was that I didn't move to where many missionaries and expats live, but I moved into the barrio. This was something I would not have chosen and the circumstances and God’s hand allowed for and I am thankful. I put a lot of effort into hospitality and hosting people in my home and space, going to their work, home, or riding buses a long way from where I am to be close to where they are. Caring more about the person, their family, life, relationships, burdens is they foundation for any ministry relationship. I don't look for volunteers, I build friendships and love people, and often those same people join me in ministry.

What are the drawbacks of basing your ministry on incarnational and relational strategies?

Its often messy as we get to share the real stuff of life- sin, pain, hurt, and here it often means facing the harsh realities of poverty together. It means knowing people's brokenness and sticking with them through it. It takes time, lots of extra grace and effort. It means seeing and addressing my own brokenness and how it can affect people. It means being there when its inconvenient, we're tired, worn out or have other plans. It means being humbled and exposed at times…. And yet, its so worth it!

What are some of the benefits of basing your ministry on incarnational and relational strategies?

We share life. Good, bad, and ugly. We all feel less alone. We walk through it all together and we rejoice together. Its no longer a program, but a community. People can drop out of programs and responsibilities quickly when life is hard, and schedules feel packed but community calls and holds them, its where they want to be. Its the Kingdom of God- a sense of belonging to one another and to a calling that is bigger than us!  Its being part of the body.

So, I will continue to struggle through relationships and continue to ask the Lord to keep me from causing pain and conflict in spite of myself. I will continue to hold to God’s incredible grace and mercy for me as often demonstrated through those I love and serve with.

Thanks, Travis! Your questions made me stop and reflect and I needed it. If it wasn’t for a sweet relationship that formed when this 15 year old kid wandered into a Capernaum meeting in my garage in Clovis, I would have missed yet another opportunity. Cannot wait to have Travis with us in Peru for 2 months serving and building relationships! 

Travis... 15 and serving with us in 2005 with more joy & maturity than I could believe.